


Clara Fication

by PBJellie



Category: South Park
Genre: Comedy, Drag Queens, M/M, One Shot, Walk Into A Bar, literally not sad at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-17
Updated: 2017-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-03 12:29:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12748341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PBJellie/pseuds/PBJellie
Summary: Craig just got back into town and runs into a girl at Skeeter's. Kenny has taken some inspiration from Tweek with poor execution.





	Clara Fication

“Fuck you.” She said. “White trash asshole,” she mumbled under her breath as her blonde hair bounced away from me. I watched her deliver drinks to men seated at the bar. 

A man reached up and grabbed at her chest, his dirty fingernails snagging on the black lace of her top. Before I knew it I was up and I had decked a mother fucker in the mouth.

In city limits for four hours and I'd already assaulted someone. This town is shit anyway, it's not like the police ever really investigate anything, unless you're a minority. Which I'm not, well I am, but it's not like anyone really knew about the Peru incident. 

“Hey, thanks.” A somewhat gravely voice said. I looked up from my bloody knuckles to see her breasts in my face. Why was this woman so tall? 

“No problem,” I started. “I'm Craig, you must be new to town.” 

“Fuck you Tucker.” I looked up and there stood Kenny McCormick.

Kenny McCormick stood in front of me in short black heels, a mid thigh leather skirt, and a lacy black tank top. His legs were hairless, so was his face. God, he had on a long blonde wig. He was wearing make-up, it looked like he raided Karen's cheap kiddy crap. At least Tweek bought the good stuff, he was convinced that Sephora was worth it.

I had been laughing and Kenny did not look pleased. 

“I haven't been out of the town for a year and here you are in drag serving cocktails.” I howled in laughter. “In fucking Skeeter's, like you couldn't even get the wine bar to hire you.” 

“Skeeter is a nice guy.” Kenny defended. “Also fuck you, drag is great. I follow your boyfriend on Insta. He has some wicked make-up skills.” I glanced up and down Kenny, my eyes settling on what was very obviously a bra stuffed with socks. 

“Shit, did you shade your chest too?” I couldn't keep a straight face. Whenever I tried to make my face neutral I felt my the corners of my mouth creep up. 

“It's called contouring. It's on Clara's Youtube page, she does a really great job teaching.” I see Kenny flip me off as I start to laugh again, clutching my stomach. 

“Obviously not that great, because your chest looks like you had a mud wrestling accident.” I fished in my pockets for my phone. “Please let me take your picture.” 

“Screw off. I have customers to serve.” I glanced around at the other four people in the bar right now. The man I punched in the face for Kenny's honor, I giggled at the thought, had left. I made a sweeping gesture of the room. 

“Please Kenny, for Tweek. Tweek will be so happy.” It was true. He would be so happy, he'd be flattered that Kenny was inspired by him, or some other equally sensitive bullshit. And I'd be happy that I had a picture of Kenny in the worst drag I had ever seen in my life. 

“For Clara, not for you. You're a fucking douchebag.” I snorted. Like Kenny was one to talk, all the nonsense he and his three stupid friends had put the town through should have made it illegal for him to say anything about anyone being awful. 

I held my phone out and he struck a pose, his wig cap sliding back a bit too far, exposing tufts of his natural hair. I snapped a quick picture as his lips were puckered and immediately sent it to Tweek. 

Tweek: IS THAT KEN?!?

Tweek: OH GOD ITS KENNY

Tweek: have him come to the hotel room and ill do his makeup

Kenny fixed his wig, pulling it a bit too hard, making it lopsided. I reached up to straighten it out and he rolled his eyes at me. 

“Tweek said he'd do your makeup if you want to come by the hotel.” Kenny's face face lit up and he grabbed my by the shirt.

“Seriously? Clara Fication is gonna do my make up? Are you pranking me? This would be a really mean prank Tucker.” I shook my head and covered my eyes at Tweek's punny drag name. He was insistent that it had to be a pun. That it wouldn't be drag enough if it wasn't a pun. 

“Well, I'd stay and have a beer, but nope.” I stood up and headed for the door. “Room 215 at the Holiday Inn, you know the only one in town.” Kenny waved me off. 

“Hey,” I called out, letting a moment of curiosity get the better of me. “What's your drag name?” 

“Princess Kenny.”

**Author's Note:**

> I enjoyed the hell out of writing this.


End file.
